No Witty Title

So, 2012 has been the year of suck, or at least it's felt that way. The thing is that no one can make you feel bad about yourself except yourself. I've let the negativity take over this year and I've let the proverbial rain cloud sit over my head. When did I come to this conclusion? Over the weekend, I was doing some serious thinking, reflecting, about this last year while doing laundry. I was looking at my massive pile of race shirts from 2011 and in contrast my piddly little collection from this year. Yes, I had set backs this year but I still managed to eek out some half marathons. During the course of my pity party, why couldn't I stop and realize how awesome a feat that is in and of itself? The negativity was further fueled by training alone, not blogging, generally not letting others in. Why? Mainly, due to being embarrassed about how slow I am, how I haven't lost any more weight, generally stupid things that I let get to me. The thing is I am surrounded by some incredible, awesome and generally kick ass people, I don't know why I didn't rely on them instead of putting myself in a sort of self imposed hermit state. I'll be the first to admit that I can be the mayor of Crazy Town but I managed to out do myself this year, with regards to running and food. I obviously have some issues with food, and all the negativity I let in was just fuel for the fire. Now, who was responsible for my crappy year? No one but me, that being said, I am not going to beat myself up, I have spent the last 11 months doing just that...it doesn't work. There is a Dolly Parton quote that says "if you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one." That's just what I'm doing, I started today. 

I took be butt to the gym and knocked out some time on the elliptical because I'm still trying to be gentle with my foot since Tulsa. I've made better albeit not the best food choices, but at least it's better than it has been. I turn 32 in 10 days, I'll be damned if I spend another year being a miserable jerk. My thirties are supposed to be about being an awesomely epic bad ass, and being a miserable jerk doesn't go we'll with that. So here we go, a new path and this time this for real because at the end of the day if mom isn't happy, no one is. 

It's Time For Me To Return...For Real This Time!

I know, I have been MIA for some time now. I have been wading in a funk for a number of months, running by myself quite often, avoiding people I know when running waddling. Why? I honestly was embarrassed for people I know to see how much I still suck at running. The thing about sucking is that it is really relative. I may not have made any great strides on the scale, I may still be slow as molasses but I am also still active and moving, which at the end of the day is still more than a lot of people can say. I guess I thought that if I hid, I wouldn't have to be accountable for how much I have been sucking.

I was in Tulsa, OK this past weekend at the Route 66 Marathon weekend. This Sunday was supposed to be the day I would no longer be a marathon virgin. As it turns out this was not going to be the weekend for me to lose my marathon virginity. I won't give you all a huge race report because I am still in the middle of a pity party that might go on for a few more days. My foot started hurting during the race, and by the time we got to mile 10, every step was like a death march, there was no running at that point just walking and SLOW walking at that. When I got to the marathon, half marathon split at mile 13, I just crossed the finish and called it at the half marathon distance. After the finish I was so happy to have finished another half marathon but so sad because I FAILED at the marathon. Don't get me wrong, I do not regret calling it at the half marathon because I am not sure I could have made it with the pain in my foot. I am being a whiney baby, pouting and generally being miserable. Looking at race pictures didn't help matters either.

Ok, so I have been having this self imposed isolation when all the while I have had a wonderful network of supportive running moms. The other runners coached my my coach, the Racing It Off team have been there but I haven't leaned on them when I've needed them, they are mostly in the Dallas area but we have a facebook group where we all connect. Locally, I've had the awesome moms from Moms Run This Town, they have been supportive but again, I avoided in the beginning them because I didn't feel like I was good enough, fast enough to hang with them. Lately though, they have been a huge source of support and love, and it has meant the world to me. In fact, Pam the founder of the organization is actually responsible for me blogging again. Her kind words, love and support showed me that it was time to return to the blogosphere.

So, there it is, I am back and on a mission to stop sucking and be more awesome! I have some big things coming up in my life, I have applied to go back to college in January, I am having lap band surgery in March and lots of other exciting things all to help me stop sucking and be more awesome.

Half Marathon# 7 Race Report - Inaugural Niagara Falls Women's Half Marathon

This race was AWESOME!!! It was one of my favorite races ever, and it was my first international half marathon to boot. The decision to run this race was made a day or two before online registration closed, and a few days before B and I headed to Toronto to visit my parents. I am so glad that I decided to go with my gut feeling and signing up for this race. Let's break it down...

Packet Pick Up

My mom, B and I drove down to Niagara Falls the day before the race and hit up the packet pick up at the Great Wolf Lodge. I thought little head would explode when she saw the resort, it broke my heart to tell B that we weren't staying there. Even with the resort being so busy, packet pickup was REALLY quick and easy. I picked up my number, checked to make sure my chip was working, got my tee and then came probably the BEST SWAG BAG EVER! It even included a bottle of wine (for the runners that are 19 years of age and older, the drinking age in the province of Ontario). Check out the swag bag contents... note the press on toe nails, I thought it was a HILARIOUS touch. Yes, this race won me over with wine and candy. What more could a girl ask for?!

Pre-Race

I took a cab from our hotel to the start/finish area because my mom and B could not be bothered to wake up early to drive me. Seriously?! Sleeping in? What's that about? On the ride over I was getting really worried because it was chilly and rainy,  I wore a tee and didn't bring anything to help keep me warm. I got there ridiculously early but thankfully there was a tent where I was able to wait and make some new friends. Guess what happened while I was in the tent? I started talking to a lady who said she liked my shirt, then we started talking and she said that she remembered seeing me at the Disney Princess Half Marathon in February (I wore the same shirt at both races).... SMALL WORLD! So, this race had some neat port-a-potties, they had quotes on the wall and flowers in the urinals, there were also products from a local lavender company as well. I went to the bathroom twice just so I could snap some pics because I didn't think to when I saw all the stuff in there. 

The rain started to subside and we headed to the "start wine", the race was relatively small which had me a little worried because I am so SLOW. As it turned out, the race was beyond supportive of everyone out there, runner, run/walkers and walkers, it was so refreshing! 

The Race

We were off, and I just settled in and decided that I wasn't going to try for a PR, just enjoy a morning run. How often do you get to run by Niagara Falls?! We ran by the falls pretty early in the race but not before running by a harpist, because it was fancy pants like that. The only down side of this race was that after you run by the Falls, there is a part of the route that just was less than scenic before we hit the beautiful town we ran through. 

Along the way, I made friends with an KICK ASS chick who was doing her first half marathon. At first, I thought she was going to drive me crazy the whole race because she would pass me, I would pass her, and so it went until she and I started chatting. One thing lead to another and I made a new friend with whom I still keep in touch. She and I laughed, chatted and had a pretty incredible time. Oh did I mention that one of the water stops on the way back had orange slices and Timbits?! What are Timbits you ask? Well, they are donut holes, and so very tasty... they had me at Timbits.

 

Anyways, my new friend and I motored on and made it to the finish where Bella was waiting and ran with me across the finish. That in and of itself was well worth it because when else will I get to run with her across a half marathon finish line?! With that half marathon #7 was DONE and in the books.

Check out the BLING!

Guess What Is Just Around The Corner

Marathon training! I am heading to Crazy Town yet again, and I am super stoked for marathon training to begin. I am going to BRING IT this time around, I am ready for training, I am ready to show everyone what I am made of. I am working on the weight loss, the speed, and my strength because I want to be able to give the marathon my all.

I think that watching the olympic marathon this morning didn't hurt either, it was something else. I was inspired watching those women give their all for all 26.2 miles of the race. I'll be honest, I got a little teary eyed at the end of the race, they were all incredible.

I Love/Hate Yoga

Alright, so I have decided that I love/hate yoga. I had some BAD experiences with yoga a long time ago and I have been reluctant to try it again since then. Well, I decided that it was time for me to call a truce with yoga and give it another go. I found a yoga app on my ipad and went for it, and thankfully the 20 minute program flew by quickly. I wasn't very graceful but that will come with time, and it was challenging but not so much that it would keep me from doing it again. Maybe yoga doesn't suck....

This morning consisted of teach my Friday Zumba class, an ab workout and then the aforementioned yoga, this afternoon I have to go back to the gym to get my run in. Tomorrow's run might have to be cancelled because I am going to be participating in a Zumba fundraiser benefitting the Aimee Copeland fund. I'll be one of 23 instructors who will be teaching at the event, I feel really lucky and blessed to be able to help out. http://aimeecopeland.com/fundraisers/

I'm Melting! MELTING! Oh, What A World!

Ok, so I didn't melt but I felt like I was going to melt when I was out running yesterday morning with my new friend Pam from Moms Run This Town. What?! You're a mom and haven't check out Moms Run This Town? Go, check it out, there might be a chapter in your area, if not, why not start one? OK, back to the run, we got an hour in. With the heat and then the fact that I had to team teach a Zumba class that evening, an hour in that humidity was all I could handle. I do have to say that I really appreciated having someone there to keep me accountable and even more to have someone to chat with. I would have taken myself back to the couch after dropping B off at lacrosse camp instead of running, but I had someone waiting for me. The very best thing of all was having someone who could quite easily run much, much faster slow down and "run" at my snail's pace, it meant the world to me.

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I know, I've been MIA for a very long time. I haven't fallen down a well, disappeared into thin air or had a terrible accident while riding my unicorn. I'm just kidding, I don't have a unicorn... it's against the law.

So, life has been interesting around here and I have failed to update the blog here, but it's time to have some accountability in my life. The weight has yo-yoed and it's not healthy, I have been working hard to get the weight under control and finish out the weight loss because I really want the skin removal surgery, plus I just want to be in a place where I am working on maintaining the weight. I am still running, it hadn't been going well up until recently. I had been putting some unrealistic expectations on myself and setting myself up for disappointment. Somewhere along the way I had forgotten to celebrate what I have already accomplished. Also, and this is kind of HUGE, I am about to give up some of my Zumba classes, I am keeping two classes at one gym. This was not an easy decision to come to because I love teaching Zumba so much and I love my students but I have to take care of myself. My body needs a break and I need to focus on my weight loss which has been hard since I have been teaching so much, this is especially important because I signed up for the Route 66 Marathon in Tulsa. Yup, a full marathon... I have lost my mind.

I'll be around more and if I'm not, please feel free to give me a swift kick in the butt either here, or on twitter @LucyATL or shoot me an email at runchunky@gmail.com.

Tonight, It All Clicked Again

So, I decided to head to the gym this evening to hit up Group Ride (a cycling class) and during class it all clicked again. What clicked, you ask. What clicked was the feeling that I had when I was killing it with the weight loss. I couldn't have asked for a better feeling! I have been spinning my wheels in the weight loss department for the last year, the weight goes up, it goes down and I've been unhappy. I worked too hard to screw this up, I am strong, and I know what I have to do to get the job done. Tonight, I felt like I finally got some traction, let's get this weight off and turn on 110% BEAST MODE.

LET'S GO!!!

2012 Disney's Half Marathon Weekend and Race Report

Ok, here we go. It's going to be a long one, so, get a snack, settle in. I once again drove down to Orlando with K. Along the way, we stopped in Tifton, GA to have breakfast with one of my dearest friends... Lisa! It was such a treat because I so rarely get to see her because she's so busy with work and school. 

We were having a great time on the drive down there, and even making great time. Once we crossed into Florida, we were bombarded with signs for stores selling oranges and one even advertised having a giant alligator. We stopped to see said stuffed gator, and I have to say, they may have lied about the size of their gator. Is that a common thing in Florida?

We managed to make it to Orlando, found our sad little hotel and headed to the expo. This year, the number pick up was in a tent across from the Jostens Center, and we then had to head inside to pick up our shirts... REALLY?! I mean c'mon, I like the fact that pick up was in a separate place but t-shirt pickup couldn't be in the same place? Oh we didn't even get an even bag like last year, just a plastic runDisney bag, I felt slightly robbed. Also, there wasn't any swag, there was a virtual race bag, but it was lack luster at best. I pay a lot of money, throw something fun in there for me....pretty please, I love swag.

Here's my expo swag, I kept it pretty low key compared to K who did some serious shopping.

Saturday morning, we hit Downtown Disney and like a big dork, I was mesmerized by all the stuff outside of the lego store. I love legos and so does B.

K and I also did a little exploring outside of the touristy part of Orlando, and hit up a local running store called Track Shack. Saucony was there with their trailer full of shoes to try out, and I might have found a new love... the Hurricane 14 shoes. They felt like a little slice of heaven on my feet, I am going to look into getting a pair to put into rotation. I was supposed to meet up with some people from a Facebook running group, but when it came time to get ready, I had to make the executive decision to stay in that night. I won't get into the details here but it was just for the best. I did manage a trip to the store to buy myself a beer (to calm some of the nerves), some sour gummies (because I love gummies), and a powerade.

Then came race morning, believe it or not I had a half decent night's sleep. K and I got ready and headed to Epcot bright and early. She and I parted ways after we got there because she had purchased the Race Retreat package and I just couldn't bring myself to spend that much money on it, and the weather was wonderful, so there wasn't a huge need for it anyways. I headed over to the dj booth, and got my groove on. I was dancing with some people from the massage team and some other random princesses. I even got on the tv screens, I'm sure because I was droppin' it like it was hot! LOL I even got to meet up with an FB running friend who is just an amazing woman, she had some clothes for me because she has lost an incredible amount of weight. It was wonderful to meet her even briefly because she's just such an inspiration.

This fabulous Drag Queen was there for the festivities.

I was texting back and forth with my friend Danielle, because I wanted to catch a picture of us before the race, and we ended up chatting on our walk from the little athlete's village are to the corrals. Somewhere in the conversation, Danielle decided to drop back so she could run the race with me. I know it's selfish but it totally made me day.

You can just see bits of my tutu, which didn't stay on me long.

This year I got to be up close to the starting line when our corral went out, and even managed a picture of the Fairy Godmother, who did a much better job of sending us out this year.

The first half of the race went by pretty fast, we chatted. We were snapping pictures with our phones, and stopped for a few pictures inside the Magic Kingdom.

Even though I'm looking down and doing something funny with my hands, this is
one of my favorite pictures.

Then it happened, because of all of our stops the dreaded balloon girls caught up to us as we were leaving the Magic Kingdom. No, we weren't swept, but those chicks sure were bossy. I know that they were trying to be helpful but fear of being swept that always haunts me didn't let the rational part of my brain work.  The intervals went out the window, I was feeling sore, and then when it started to drizzle, I fell apart. I was a wreck and had it not been for Danielle who pulled me, I am not sure I would have been able to make it. That being said, it was still a fantastic time, especially getting to spend it with a dear friend. Oh did I mention that we ran into a dude that was bedazzled?! Yup, he was totally bedazzled, from his face to his chest, down his legs and even his running shoes were bedazzled. To make the whole thing better, he was wearing a tutu, and had his hair up in spikes... it was AWESOME!  Once we hit mile 10 or 11 (can't quite remember), Danielle reminded me that Bella and my parents would be at the finish waiting for me, and that was all I needed. Every time that I started to want to quit,  I remembered Bella, I wanted her to see me finish strong. This time when we approached EPCOT, I managed to not have a panic attack....SCORE!! Although, I did manage to cry like a baby when we got to the gospel choir, and the tears flowed as we neared the finish. Not even sure why. Danielle again, got me to get it together, so we danced a little, high fived and jogged it across the finish. I would have loved a sprint across the finish but I just didn't have it in me. The lovely volunteer handing out medals was in tears, so that just set me off crying again. I was a mess to say the least. Half marathon #5 was DONE! Guess who missed it?! Yup, Bella and my parents were stuck on the bus on their resort to Epcot, so I didn't get to see them until after I had settled down. 

Second half marathon together

#5 for me! 

After the race, K and I headed back to the hotel, got cleaned up, packed up the car and met Bella and my parents. We had a little lunch and I got to see my family for a little while before we headed back home. All in all, a pretty wonderful race weekend. Can't wait until next year, it'll be the fifth anniversary of the race and one of my dearest friends is considering as her first half marathon. 

Princess Half Marathon Road Trip Starts In The Morning

Heading to Orlando in the morning for my second go around at the Disney Princess Half Marathon. I'm so excited, and I plan on having the very best time. Here we go....

Was That A Cupcake?

Tonight, I had a speedwork session on the schedule. Earlier in the day Wifey from Run Wifey Run posted this on Facebook. 

Photo Source

When I saw it, it hit home, then the Coach mentioned it as well. She brought up a good point about it too, I have sometimes run with a physical person whom we'll refer to as Doubt. I decided that because I had a speedwork session on the schedule, I would take that quote and write it on my arm. So, during the run I had something to look at to keep me going strong when I really just wanted to slow down. It worked like a charm, it was great to have something that was visible to help keep me focused.

While I was on the treadmill, I was delirious because I looked over to the treadmill beside me just to peek at what they were watching, and I could have sworn I saw a cupcake on the screen. That being said, it took me a second to realize that no, it wasn't a cupcake on the screen, it was something different all together. After that, all I could think about were cupcakes. Yup, I had cupcakes on the brain and it wasn't pretty because I would have cut someone for a delicious cupcake at that moment. I obviously have a twisted obsession with those delicious little pastries that are a little bit of heaven. After the Princess, I am definitely going to have a cupcake.

Coming Out Of Hiding

Slowly, but surely I am coming out of bloggy hiding. I had big plans for the blog in 2012, then when everything went down with Patrick, things got hectic around here... I know what you're thinking... lame excuse Lucy.

Anyways, let me get you updated on the goings on with me. When I came home from my trip to Toronto for New Years I got on the scale for the first time in a while and imagine my surprise when I saw that I had gained 20 pounds... yup, 20. NOT GOOD AT ALL. Seeing that number, then the subsequent events with Patrick sent me into BEAST MODE. There was NO reason that I should have gained that weight, there is no reason that I am not closer to my goal weight by now. I have managed to lose a few pounds and I am back on track and in FULL BEAST MODE. I'm keeping up with my weight training, running, cross training and teaching my Zumba classes.

Photo Source

So, when I was in Toronto, I was given an awesome gift. I was given the entry fee for the Disney Princess Half Marathon, so I could an experience the magic all over again. So, the countdown to my road trip down to Orlando is on! I am excited for the race, it'll be half marathon #5 and I plan on enjoying this race as much as humanly possible. I am traveling down there with K but I will be running alone because K runs much faster than me and she has someone running her pace that will be down there. I get an awesome bonus, my parents are taking B to Disney World that weekend and will be at the finish line to watch me earn my tiara bling. I think it's important for B to see not just me finish but other finishers as well.

So, I've been logging a lot of miles by myself, and I have figured out a few things. First of all, if I am on the treadmill, I need to be watching a movie. So I have a few movies that have come with a digital copy, and I load the movies onto the ipod and I've watched the same few movies over and over but it works for me. Also, I found some great music mixes on Rock My Run, if you haven't had a chance to check them out, they are definitely worth looking into. I'm always looking for new music inspiration.

Anyways, I am back on track, back into the blogging world. I missed some race reports so what I think I am going to do is make one big post with the missing race reports pics at least.

This Is THE SIGN

Photo source

I spent Thursday evening at the hospital with my husband because he was complaining of chest pains. It was very alarming because he actually came and got me out of my Thursday night Zumba class. I got quite the shock when I saw Patrick and B walk in, B was supposed to be at basketball practice. He informed me that he was having chest pains, and that I had to take him to the er. He had called his aunt and she was other way to get B, and take her home but she was a few minutes away. My lovely students kept B until his aunt could get there to pick her up, and I am so glad they did because she was already a little freaked out because he pulled her out of practice, she didn't need to go to the ER with us. I was in full freak out mode, not just because my 37 year old husband was having chest pains but because this is not the first time he has.
Let me give you a little history... In the spring of 2005, I was at home with a 7 month old B, when I received a call from Patrick letting me know he was being taken to the hospital from work because he was having chest pains after getting into a heated argument. I rushed up to the hospital with B in tow. When we got there, Patrick was having a million different tests done there, and being monitored to see if he was in fact having a heart attack. After a few hours, he was discharged, the ER doctor diagnosed it as bad indigestion and esophageal issues which can behave exactly like a heart attack. That being said, he was given orders to schedule a stress test. When we got home, he did just that. Then, a few days later (the day before the scheduled stress test), we were getting ready to take a little trip to Athens, GA, when Patrick told me that he had to get to the hospital ASAP. I called the paramedics because there was no way I was in any shape to drive him myself, I was freaking out. Thankfully, my sister in law was there and she took B so that I could stay with Patrick. When we got to the hospital, the doctors ran the same tests as they had before but this time, it wasn't just bad indigestion and esophageal issues, it was a real heart attack. My then 30 year old husband was having a heart attack, and I was 24 with a baby and scared to death that I was about to become a widow. Before I knew it, Patrick was being wheeled to an ICU room and I was being told that he had to have some more tests done to see the extent of the damage from the heart attack. The next few days were a blur of tests and being transferred to another hospital to have stents put in. One doctor informed me that the type of heart attack he had is one they often call the widow maker. It was severe, and taxing on not just him but on myself and all of his family as well. I was sure that this was going to be his wake up call to quit smoking, start exercising and watching what he eats.
Fast forward to January 2010, Patrick was still smoking, had gained even more weight (he's always been a big guy but now he was bigger than I'd ever seen him). I had just had a little epiphany that kicked off my own weight loss journey, I was inching closer and closer to weighing 500lbs with each passing day, I was smoking, and I realized that if I kept up I would probably have my own heart attack before I turned 30 that upcoming December. So, I started on my journey, in the hopes to change my own life and maybe even Patrick's as well. He didn't follow suit.
Let's fast forward once more to Thursday, here I was almost 7 years later watching similar events happen again. This time the doctors once again said it was esophageal issues. To be honest with you, I'm scared to death, because once there has been one heart attack, another isn't if it'll happen again but when will it happen again. My husband is going to have another heart attack and the next time he might not be so lucky. He is still smoking, not exercising or watching what he eats. Wanna talk about the obesity epidemic? I'm living it, this is a very real part of my life. A real part of my daughter's life. Now, I'm not looking for symapathy or anything like that, I needed to get this off my chest and maybe help someone who reads this in the process. Here is an opportunity, a sign, a warning for him to make some real changes in his life. I fear that if he does not, he will not make it to see his 40th birthday. I hate it for B, because it's not fair to her, she needs him around. No matter what I say to him, it won't make a difference. This change has to come from him because I cannot make anyone do anything they aren't ready to do. If he was waiting for a sign, here it is. If you are reading this and waiting for a sign, here it is. I had another ah-ha, "here's a sign" moment when I was in Toronto during the holidays, the same kind of moment that originally kicked started the weight loss journey. It was exactly what I needed to help me refocus because in the last year my weight has yo-yo'ed and I had once again become lazy with my nutrition and my weight training and cross training. This is the year that I get to my goal and do my best to be my best so that I can be here for B for many, many years come. She needs me here, and I want to see her grow up, graduate, get married, have her own babies. I know the realities of being obese, I have seen first hand the damage it can cause to not only the person who is obese but to the people around them. The arthritis in my knees is awful, and I caused all that damage to myself because I chose to take the easy way out for so many years instead of taking care of myself. The damage I've caused to my body is ridiculous, no 31 year old should be like this. That being said, I'm working on bettering myself and my life to prevent doing more damage to myself. I have seen my husband, the person who I'm supposed to grow old with tear up his heart, his lungs, his joints because it's easier make excuses. Now, making a change isn't easy, I'm not going to lie, but you better believe it will be worth it.