Nobody cares if you're not a good dancer. Just get up and dance. The same holds true for racing. Whether first or last, we all cross that same finish line. Just get out there and run.
- Dean Karnazes

Monday, December 3, 2012

No Witty Title

So, 2012 has been the year of suck, or at least it's felt that way. The thing is that no one can make you feel bad about yourself except yourself. I've let the negativity take over this year and I've let the proverbial rain cloud sit over my head. When did I come to this conclusion? Over the weekend, I was doing some serious thinking, reflecting, about this last year while doing laundry. I was looking at my massive pile of race shirts from 2011 and in contrast my piddly little collection from this year. Yes, I had set backs this year but I still managed to eek out some half marathons. During the course of my pity party, why couldn't I stop and realize how awesome a feat that is in and of itself? The negativity was further fueled by training alone, not blogging, generally not letting others in. Why? Mainly, due to being embarrassed about how slow I am, how I haven't lost any more weight, generally stupid things that I let get to me. The thing is I am surrounded by some incredible, awesome and generally kick ass people, I don't know why I didn't rely on them instead of putting myself in a sort of self imposed hermit state. I'll be the first to admit that I can be the mayor of Crazy Town but I managed to out do myself this year, with regards to running and food. I obviously have some issues with food, and all the negativity I let in was just fuel for the fire. Now, who was responsible for my crappy year? No one but me, that being said, I am not going to beat myself up, I have spent the last 11 months doing just doesn't work. There is a Dolly Parton quote that says "if you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one." That's just what I'm doing, I started today. 

I took be butt to the gym and knocked out some time on the elliptical because I'm still trying to be gentle with my foot since Tulsa. I've made better albeit not the best food choices, but at least it's better than it has been. I turn 32 in 10 days, I'll be damned if I spend another year being a miserable jerk. My thirties are supposed to be about being an awesomely epic bad ass, and being a miserable jerk doesn't go we'll with that. So here we go, a new path and this time this for real because at the end of the day if mom isn't happy, no one is. 
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