I battled with talking about this here, but I think that being open and honest is what this whole blogging thing is about. First things first, I want to let you all know that I am ok and I am not dying, I have seen a doctor and have been checked out. On Saturday, I thought I was dying or at least having a heart attack. Yes, you read that right, I thought that I was having a heart attack. Let me break it down for you, I had my finals last week, and had been wound pretty tight all week, and it really wore me down physically. I thought that come Friday after the exams were finished that I could finally breath a sigh of relief and relax for a bit before my May and summer classes start. Saturday morning B had an away lacrosse game and we were running a bit behind schedule and had some hiccups that morning, then on the way, there was an accident on the road and the road was blocked for a bit as tow truck was taking one of the cars off the road. This irrationally brought me to tears, I just couldn't bare being late and I think that the stress building up in the days leading up all just came to a head on Saturday. On the road, I started feeling feeling a tightness in my chest that was very alarming, then I started freaking out and I thought I was having a heart attack or something. We got to the lacrosse fields and I calmed down and started feeling better, but needless to say the feeling gave me a HORRIBLE FRIGHT. When we got home, I took and aspirin and started doing some research. Dr. Google and I aren't friends, because all it did was scare me and ramp me up all over again. I didn't have the same feeling but my mind was racing. Come Sunday, I was feeling fine but of course this is still lingering in my head. When I went to the grocery store I once again freaked myself out, and I am not even sure what triggered the feeling.
First thing Monday morning, I was on the phone with my doctor's office making an appointment. I saw my doctor and told her what happened. She examined me and told me that I wasn't having a heart attack, and that what I was experiencing was a panic attack and some complications of my asthma brought on by it. She did recommend a heart scan thing if I was really that worried about my heart, which I agreed to and scheduled, but she said she thinks it will be more to put my mind at ease. It's not covered by insurance but I am going to pay for it just so I can have the peace of mind. So, I'm not dying, but my asthma is really bothering so I am on a new inhaler and another treatment. I am also now to keep track of any times when I have these panicky feelings.
I also went to Weight Watchers yesterday, and was down 2.5 after an abysmal showing the few weeks in that I didn't go to meetings and generally wasn't being more awesome. More importantly and embarrassingly, the meeting yesterday brought me to tears. I am not sure what exactly it was about the meeting, but I was a mess. I was welling up in the meeting, then had a good cry in the car afterwards. I guess that I feel a renewed sense of purpose and a renewed motivation to be more awesome and less fat and unhealthy.
Holy smokes that was a lot to type, I am not even going to proofread it so I apologize to the grammar police.